Musings on a Monday Evening
©2009 Celeste Billhartz
More than one person has told me, softly, “Trust that the confusion and unease of the present time are part of God’s plan for you.” And so, I stifle my disgust at not being more productive, not downsizing my home, not pulling the hundreds of outdated things from shelves and storage units and drawers and setting them at the curb for AMVETS; not “finishing” The Mothers Project – the DVD and the book, not moving ahead with this feeling that I am ready to go in a different direction, to find another pianist and to sing “Oldies Songs” – I have soooo much fun doing that, --- to read poems and tell stories about Life, ageing and old times ... and to not have to deal with electronic mysteries that are part of my TMP PowerPoint experience. I liked it so much better when I just hauled those huge posters around. ... but, that limits me to local travel. And, I have many more images to share, in PowerPoint. Ah, well, it will all get sorted out, right ... God?
Ageing is an interesting experience. I really am not handling winter very well. I don’t know why I continue to live in Ohio ... I have no family here, and I email -- rarely visit -- my friends just 20 miles away. Really, why don’t I move to Florida? All I need is a one-bedroom apartment, a television ... and wireless internet service. The bedroom is just for guests. I could be perfectly happy in a studio apartment. Likely, I’ll sleep on the sofa there, too. ...:)
I believe young mothers who want to keep their babies should be supported and loved by their families and communities, not forced or befriended to surrender their babies to other women in closed and open adoptions. My bias was formed by many interviews with women who were forced to surrender their babies, in generations and decades past. They never got over the loss; never.
I have met young mothers in very difficult open adoption arrangements. They, too, never got over losing their babies. Most agree, though, at least they know where their children are. A few do not know, because the adoptive family moved and the adoptive parents do not want the child to have more closeness with his/her natural mother.
I have not one story/interview about a young mother who is glad she chose adoption/open adoption. I do believe they are out there. I just want to understand it all. Maybe they like the open adoption arrangement because they know where their child is and with whom. Maybe that makes it work. Maybe they have no suppressed longing for that child, no regrets, no “too much closeness” issues that put the contact in jeopardy. I have no idea. I’d like them to email me .... firstname.lastname@example.org ... I want to hear their stories and I want know the following:
1. how old were you at the time you had your baby?
2. who first talked with you about adoption/open adoption?
3. after you gave birth to your baby, did you still want to have him/her adopted?
4. what/who was most influential in helping you to choose adoption/open adoption?
5. did you want ongoing info about your child?
6. what are/were the specific contacts you and the adoptive parents agreed to?
7. how often have you seen your child since giving birth to him/her?
8. do you regret this adoption/open adoption? Why or why not?
9. in what specific ways are the adoptive parents good to you?
10. What are the most important things you want to say to a single, pregnant young woman who is considering adoption/open adoption?
And, please do not post your reply, here .... I want to hear from you, privately.