Tuesday, August 5, 2008

What If?

What If?

©2008 Celeste Billhartz

I used to be for adopting. That's what happened to me. My single 
mother gave birth to me and I was adopted. Just like millions of 
other kids. Most of us went to good homes and had good lives.

Many of us think otherwise, now. I guess the biggest reason is this: 
our mothers never got over losing their babies.

Why is it still socially acceptable to take babies from young 
mothers when we know, now, they will never get over the loss?

Think back to your first pregnancy. What if you were constantly 
badgered and told you had no business keeping your baby because you 
were single, and too young, and too poor to provide for him/her, 
that a married couple is waiting to provide him/her a much better 
life, and you are selfish for wanting to keep your baby?

What if, in that 9 months of psychological duress and brain-washing, 
you began to doubt your natural instincts to be a good mother? What 
if you believed that all the adults in your life knew best -- so, 
you signed an agreement to surrender your baby?

Remember how you felt about your baby, after giving birth? Would you 
have wanted to keep him/her – no matter what agreement you signed 
months, or weeks, or days before?

Today, as in our mothers' day, most girl/mothers change their minds, 
after giving birth, but everyone around them demands that they honor 
that agreement. The young mothers want to keep their babies! Nobody 
listens, nobody cares, because adopters -- checks in hand and names 
picked out -- are waiting for their babies.

I urge single young women to keep their babies. DON'T SIGN ANY 
AGREEMENTS, and read everything you do sign at every agency, health 
center or religious organization.

I urge /grandmothers/aunts/cousins to help young mothers keep their 
babies within their families. If your daughter, niece or cousin is 
very young -- or irresponsible, step in and file for Kinship Care or 
Legal Guardianship. Don't give her baby away! Please, don't do that 
to her. She won't be young and poor, forever.

I urge mature women to form support groups to help mothers and 
babies get a good start in life, together. Don't hurt young mothers 
by separating them from their babies.

Finally, I urge women to NOT adopt, no matter how much you want a 
baby of your own. Adopting is legal, of course, and it is immensely 
profitable for brokers and agencies -- but it is terribly unfair to 
young mothers at the most vulnerable time in their lives.

Please, don't be part of that treachery and covert theft.


Anonymous said...

Thank you...


Celeste said...

Kristy ... you're welcome ... please email me ...

kitta said...

For thousands of years,the human family has been a tribal family.People lived in clans and related social groups. The natural biological family has been the cornerstone of society.

In the 20th century, social utopians and 'progressives" have worked to change that.Researchers have experimented with "new (improved)forms and definitions of family."

Government social workers became empowered to intrude into families and to take children from their mothers and fathers.Adoption promoters expected us to tell ourselves and our children that we loved them so much that we wanted them raised by strangers, and that this arrangement was/is better for them and for society.

Heritage either matters or it doesn't. If it doesn't matter for adopted people, then it doesn't matter for anyone.There is no reason to preserve anyone's particular heritage nor family connections....if it doesn't matter for each and every individual person.

We have become a nation that televises the struggles of women to become pregnant and give birth.We speak of mother love and bonding.A the same time, we degrade the birth process of single mothers and we deny their connection to their children, as if it didn't exist.
Either these bonds exist, or they don't.

We have to decide as a nation which it will be.

Celeste said...

Thank you, Kitta!
Best, Celeste
Please email me at cbsongs@aol.com

Sandy Young said...

Beautiful! Bravo!

Celeste Billhartz said...

Thank you, Sandy ... let's tell the world our truth!!
Blessings, Celeste

Cheerio! said...

As I read your description about the tactics against and pressure put on an Expectant Mom facing an unplanned pregnancy ... I sat perfectly still ... the world around me seemed to stop as my mind jumped back in time, and the voice in my heart was silently whispering, "yes, yes, yes, that's what happened to me."
and I'm sitting here crying.
I know this comment is 'later' than the rest, but I just found your blog.
I can't even tell you how much it moved me to read your opening thought - that you recognized that women never get over losing her baby to adoption.
You are an adoptee yourself.
I hope my son will someday forgive me and realize the truth that I did not want to let go of him, but I felt I HAD to for his sake...

thank you for being open-minded and realizing what happens to e-moms, without drippig w/ anger and hatred...


Celeste said...

Thank you, Cheerio ... I really think it is unconscionable for family. physicians, clergy, adoption workers, etc., to force emoms (great word - thanks!) to surrender their babies, when they want to keep them.

The second sin is when adoptive mothers, in open adoptions, cut off all contact and refuse to share info with the natural mother, as promised. The very least they should do is send updates and pictures.

Yes, Cheerio, I sure hope you get to reunite with your son, someday. I hope he listens and really hears your story about how/why you made the decision to surrender him. Most of all, I am so very sorry if you had not one strong, stable person in your life who promised to help you and your son, or someone in authority who offered to help you through the rough times. I welcome hearing your story ... please email me ... cbsongs@aol.com
Best, Celeste

John Ettorre said...

Looking forward to your next post, Celeste.

celeste Billhartz said...

John, will see to it very soon ... thanks, Celeste

Lynn said...

I'm glad I found your blog. It's an encouragement to me that you are so understanding of what we went through as (n,f,b)moms. I'm hoping and praying that some day my son and I will be able to talk about it. If my mom and I had had any clue as to the pain that we would cause my son by placing him for adoption, it would never have happened. We both believed the lies, that he would be better off with someone who had "more" to give to him. She believed the lies that it would be better for me too, and that I could go "back to my life as if it never happened". She only wanted what she was told was best for the both of us, even though it tore her own heart out.

I hope you will be posting more.

celeste Billhartz said...

Lynn, I am so sorry you and your mother lost your son/her grandson to the lies of adoption. Yes, I hope he will, someday, have the opportunity to hear your stories.

The lies in adoption are horrid and lasting. I believe, in decades to come, this abomination in our society will come to light and be as reprehensible as other sins against humanity. I have said it before and I will say it, again: Adopting is woman's inhumanity to woman.

Please, do write to me ... cbsongs@aol.com

Robin said...

Ah, Celeste. You do get to the broken heart of the matter. Thank you for this post.


Celeste Billhartz said...

You're welcome, dear Robin .... Love, Celeste

Anonymous said...

Celeste you just reposted this blog on Face Book today. Adoption just doesn't affect the birth mother and the child but also the children that result afterwards. At the age of 16, I learned that I had a younger sibling, a sister, who was given up for adoption. From that moment on, I grieved a horrendous loss and consistently looked into the eyes of each stranger I met seeking her. It created a huge wedge between my Mother and me. In many silent ways, it still does. My Mother was in her 30's, had a successful career and had me...when my sister came along. She was of sound mind but chose for my sister to have a better life (as she saw it). Later when I found my sister, indeed she had a much better life. She was adopted by a wealthy family and had a stay-at-home Mom. She went to ivy league schools and is now a successful physician on the East Coast. I have often wondered..."What if it had been me that Mom had given up?" My sister wants nothing to do with my Mother and my mother is hurt that my sister corresponds with me occasionally. It's a very difficult and sensitive situation. The adoptees may get a better life, but the price on one side (or both) is always great. I carry the burden of my Mother's choice daily. It is a heavy burden to bare. Thank you for the post.


Celeste said...

Sorry for your losses, all around, Ray. I'm glad you have communication with your sister. Also, I hope she extends compassion and kindness to her patients who may face the situation your mother did, years ago. I'm sorry she doesn't give that to your mother. I'm sure that would be much appreciated. I guess that's what jumps out at me ... I sure hope she uses her good life to extend compassion to others. Take care, Ray. I'm sorry you got less and she got more. Keep me posted as the years go by. Best, Celeste